to continue.

In the first year after my diagnosis I was kept pretty busy with treatment and as I had volunteered to take part in the trials of two drugs my whole life seemed to be hospitals, needles, unfamiliar machines, driving miles down the motorway and feeling extremely tired.

On the day I stood and watched the majority of my beloved herd of dressage ponies plus my riding stallion, being disbanded, 6 of them being shipped back to the United Kingdom because I had the most overwhelming feeling that I might not live and then what would Paul do, how would he cope with 32 ponies plus all our other animals to say nothing of the grief he would have to handle, I would not have believed I could reach the point I have reached today.

My natural inclination in life is to be positive, and always to look for the positive so it wasn't long after that first year that my life was beginning to get back on track again. Hospital visits are down to just two or three a year now and even they don't hold any horrors for me now.

One day it was suggested to me that I join and take part in a breast cancer support board which is what I did. It was an enjoyable experience but I soon discovered that women are women no matter what and that sparks could fly even on a breast cancer forum. More of this later as I progressed from the first site to where I am now and so much happened that was good that I would like to share it with you.

Paul was my salvation, he devoted his life to caring for me. He had always been a loving and caring person but was even more so now. He often made me laugh, when I was as bald as a coot he painted a face on the back of my head and told everyone I was "two faced " and that I could see people coming and going. He made me feel cherished and loved. Nothing was ever to much trouble for him. He was my "shot in the arm" the medicine no one can prescribe, it doesn't come in a bottle. He was there for me 24 hours a day. It must have been so hard for him coping with it all.

Tomorrow my story will start were it should be by now, the complete turn around of my life, my changed attitude to life and people, my great appreciation of the simplest things in live, my gratitude for still being here and able to chronicle my thoughts.